Dormi uma noite inteira no coração do meu filho e sorri

By
Vassil Oliveira
-
100
652

Dormi a noite passada no coração do meu filho.

Logo eu, que nunca tive dúvida de que de alguma forma estava ali, tinha um lugarzinho reservado só pra mim em meio aos batimentos vitais que se originaram também dos meus, só não sabia qual e tamanho físico e espiritual; logo eu, que por isso e por tantas outras razões nem deveria me surpreender mais com coisas assim…

Bem, aconteceu.

Coisa de pai, inseguro, pleno, incerto, confiante, desesperado noite e dia por saber que a gente é, para os filhos, inevitavelmente herói e bandido, uma vez que é da natureza humana, a nossa, a imperfeição, ainda que o Pai Maior, espelho dos espelhos, não o seja – porque, como pai, como Ele poderia negar aos filhos amados o livre arbítrio?

Pois o meu espaço no coração do meu filho foi por uma noite do tamanho de uma barraca. E, acreditem, não há nada maior no mundo – nem em outros mundos, posso arriscar com a autoridade de um pai que andou a noite inteira à velocidade do pensamento para rever seus próprios tempos de menino amando absolutamente o pai, em momentos tão e só nossos.

Dormimos no chão do colégio Ávila, no centro agitado de uma cidade vertical sem limites para a dura realidade. Só que o chão não era duro, o chão era de estrelas (por mais corriqueira que seja a imagem), o que talvez explique que um curioso garotinho falasse alto, de dentro da barraca vizinha, para o pai ouvir, imagino que sentindo medo e segurança ao mesmo tempo: “Paaaaii, será que aqui tem alienígena?”

Tantos pais, tantos filhos, tantas vozes dispostas ao amor, e, iluminada seja a moderna humanidade, tantos rostos e peitos e mãos e braços e ansiedades tão, mas tão dispostos ao derramamento incondicional desse amor, que nem dá para dimensionar, e que trazem junto o súbito impacto da saudade dos dias em que meus avós paravam o mundo para fazer rapadura… ou do tempo em que tudo ficava reduzido à espera de uma pamonha intraduzível boiando no tempero original da família… ou ainda das horas intermináveis em que se tinha gana de avançar no forno da padaria para tomar de surpresa aquele pudim que, pela misericórdia Divina, ninguém, até hoje, consegue fazer igual, crime inafiançável para toda a eternidade pelo qual meu avô certamente está respondendo lá para Deus!

Eu, que tenho tantas histórias para contar, tenho a felicidade de anunciar a todos que meu filho agora também tem uma história para contar.

Não é pouca coisa nesta altura da vida em que o ato de produzir uma pipa aos olhos dos filhos torna-se um acontecimento espetacular, em vez de ser algo do dia-a-dia, como era para nós muitos anos atrás, algo que saía de nossos dedos crianças com a naturalidade de uma pedra que é lançada no rio para tocar uma, duas, três, quantas vezes quer a nossa imaginação.

Não sei o que os outros pais acharam da noite dos pais no colégio Ávila.

E eu nem vou dizer que achei lá o meu filho, porque ele, graças ao carinho e ao amor que meus pais me transmitiram, graças ao que eles me ensinaram com palavras e atos, e principalmente graças ao bom Deus que ele também me ensinaram a amar, encontro todos os dias, todas as horas, em todos os meus gestos reais e imaginários.

Tenho três filhos, e sou daqueles para quem isso significa ter tudo na vida. E o amor deles encontro todos os dias intacto, inabalável.

O que eu encontrei mesmo foi outro menino, um que em alguns momentos se ausenta, vai por aí, perdido nessas ruas de uma forma que não se perdia quando entrava pelo mato, pelo cerrado, em busca de pequi, guariroba, passarinho, jabuticaba, ingá, ou em busca de nada porque tinha tudo, um que não mostrava dúvida de onde queria chegar na vida: a um dia de felicidade por dia – nem mais, nem menos.

Eu me reencontrei. E foi bom. E foi espetacular. E foi único.

Na quadra do Ávila, no chão do amor do meu filho, na memória que me cobriu por algumas horas, no conforto de estar principalmente acomodado em outro coração, o de Deus, eu me vi.

Agora mesmo, escrevo e soluço, com o peito agredido pela alegria.

Não dá pra traduzir.

O que a gente faz da vida é o que a vida faz da gente.

Quer dizer: o pai é o filho e é o espírito santo. Depende do pai e do filho que a gente é.

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