Uma das coisas mais difíceis na vida é aceitar os próprios erros. Isso não é humildade; é coragem. Efeito direto disso está na paz de espírito para entender como é importante o que os outros pensam e dizem a nosso respeito, porém o fundamental é saber o que eu entendo de tudo, o que eu faço.
Dizendo assim, parece coisa simples. Mas vai lá, viver. Viver é ato reflexo, reflexivo, convulsivo de fora pra dentro e de dentro pra fora. Compulsivo também, o que é bom. Não dá pra viver o instante atual sem querer já viver ao mesmo tempo o instante seguinte, ainda que isso seja impraticável do ponto de vista físico. Viver não é física; é literatura.
Tem noites em que quero falar com muita gente, só pra saber se estão bem, e se estão de bem comigo. Parece que está tudo errado, que fiz tudo errado, que não tenho salvação. Então preciso ouvir um ruído, que seja, do coração de quem amo, das pessoas de quem gosto, nem que seja de alguém que pouco liga para mim, mas que para mim tem ligação direta com minha consciência.
Nesses dias, a coragem está na persistência da alma diante da realidade, que cobra um corpo. Um corpo mesmo, e não um ser ainda vivo. Um corpo para velar, por conta dos sonhos não realizados, das contas não pagas, das frustrações inevitáveis, dos amigos incautos. Melhor seria admitir que tudo é maior, e que o regozijo da respiração profunda diante da absoluta falibilidade traduz nada mais que o menos que somos.
Durma. Sim, recomendo: durma e deixe o coração dormir. Não será fácil. Pode ser que o sol venha primeiro e que outro dia se sobreponha. Paciência. O sono vira inevitavelmente como uma chuva no quintal. Porque somos isso, uma casa com quintal cheio de mangas, jabuticabas, uma horta e um varal. Somos uma coisa boa, para quem conhece, e um sonho inclusive para quem não conhece a porta da cozinha.
Sempre espero ser compreendido completamente. Pelas virtudes e defeitos. Pelo conjunto da obra. Nem sempre isso acontece. É mais fácil sermos julgados do que ponderados. E não descarto que isso talvez seja até bom, porque na soma e na subtração dos meus atos, posso dever mais do que ter a receber.
Prefiro contar histórias a fazer contas da vida. Depois das horas de peito aberto, me fecho no sentimento. E vivo. Porque a minha vida vai morrer comigo, e não antes. Como tenho tanta certeza? Não tenho. Só não me esqueço disso. Meus erros são a única coisa que eu tenho. Me marcam; mas é o que me fazem viver.
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