Não tem regra. Quando o coração está cheio, o jeito é derramar.
Se eu fosse poeta, faria um poema. Fosse jardineiro, uma revoada. Minha vó Izídia fazia doce, baciada de biscoito, pamonhada pra ela lamber as palhas e comer só depois de fria. Minha vó Maria ria sozinha e comia pastel da feira até dormir no sofá, o que ela jamais admitia – e ficava brava se contestada: “onde já se viu!”. Vá entender as avós!
Como sou eu (tava pra dizer ‘apenas’), aí lembro de coisas. Tem ocasião que vem coisa que existiu, que há, dá pra tocar com os dedos ou está ao alcance da imaginação, só pegar. Aí a gente conta.
Tem vez que não. É fábula indizível.
É somar palavras, formar sentimentos com ponto, vírgula e reticências.
Já escrevi duas páginas falando sobre um furúnculo querendo dizer que estava extirpando um amigo preso na garganta. Quando saiu, virou ex-amigo. Ponto.
Mas escrevi de uma forma que só eu entendia. Moral: não era para ninguém entender mesmo não. Era para colocar pra fora. Se me lembro bem, continuamos amigo, porque raiva passa, dor se aquieta no fundo da alma, não pode é cutucar. Cutucar pra quê?
Também já falei para aquela amiga que eu amo como amiga mas eu amo durante duas, três horas seguidas, detalhando questões fundamentais da minha vida que definitivamente se resumiram a um suspiro final. Morri? Não. Morreu o desespero, ou aquela coisa, a finada rediviva dos meus dias.
Rezar é um sonho. Minha mãe reza, reza, reza, e é feliz rezando, louvando e acreditando. A fé move minha mãe.
Tenho fé. Digo que o que me move é Paciência, Persistência e Fé. Então?!
Mas a minha fé não se compara à da minha mãe. Quando ela bate o joelho no chão é ela que se eleva, e na sua serenidade resoluta fala com Deus. Quem dera eu falasse com Deus como minha mãe…
Eu sei do meu coração. Por isso respeito quando ele fica cheio, bem cheio, tão cheio que derrama.
Meu coração está cheio. Estou derramando…
O que vai, não volta. Fui um pouco. Fiquei um pouco. E em cada parte estou completo.
O que falta, enfim, é o que me completa.
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