Há uma pressa em mim que não combina com minha alma neste instante. Estou desacelerando, e o que sai na pele é correria. Me dizem que são os tempos atuais. Tempos atuais? Não há tempo senão desatualizado em meu espírito. Sou do tempo que passa, inevitável, e não volta senão como futura lembrança.
Quando durmo, penso acordado. Parece brincadeira. Pode até ser. Só que isso tem me atrapalhado a sonhar. Sabe aqueles sonhos estranhos, que começam na beira de um rio, de repente estamos voando, aí paramos na beira do rio pescando risadas, jogando futebol no campo do tio Manoel, e sem mais nem menos estamos caindo no buraco mas na verdade estamos é voando? Onde foram parar esses meus sonhos?
O dia amanhece anoitecendo. Nisso lembro meu pai dizendo que quando vem pra cidade grande, já chega achando que tá indo embora, que é pra acalmar o coração. Isso é a pressa do mundo ou a calmaria do meu pai? Cidade grande empurra a gente o tempo todo, pra descer logo do ônibus, pra atravessar a rua, pra ir embora pra casa, embora isso nos empurre de fato para o marasmo do trânsito.
Eu tento me conter e a vida me põe na velocidade máxima. Procuro o sossego, e nada de encontrar. Parece que chego sempre atrasado. O custo de segurar por dentro enquanto tudo acelera por fora é a agonia e êxtase dos meus dias. Meu desencontro comigo mesmo. No intervalo do que vai com tudo e do que vai com paciência está sempre a ausência. Falta o que fugiu, quem sabe. O que não veio ainda, talvez. Pneus não vira nem virá, por certo.
Aos amigos, digo: não me esperem. Se estão desabalados, força, e fé – e pé na tábua. Aos que estão comigo, a dúvida militante: estamos atrasados, ou chegaremos a tempo? A tempo. Mas a tempo de quê? Não tenho pressa de saber. Não tenho pressa. Tenho tempo. O meu tempo de viver, seja lá o que isso for, e quando.
*Publicado primeiramente em Goiás Notícia.
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