Procura-se sossego 

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Procuro sossego porque há um desassossego no coração. Tem dia que é assim.

Dia carregado de dias e noites em que tudo importa: a crise política do País, a paz internacional ameaçada, a saudade dos filhos, uma coceira no nariz.

E onde encontrar sossego, se o coração que sofre é o mesmo que se alegra por qualquer outra coisa, até chora ao lembrar o abraço do amigo que está longe?

Onde avistar sossego se o mundo não muda – o mundo que choca é o mundo que vibra, que explode e que implode em face das horas que passam e perpassam?

Há sempre sossego nos livros.

Gosto de livros acima de tudo, dos livros que li e dos que não li, aqueles que estão lá, acumulados, chamando a atenção como quem diz: e aí, vamos até o fim?

Essa angústia de não conseguir ler tudo que quero, pra mim, é sossego. Mas não tente entender isso, porque eu não entendo, só sigo em frente comprando livros, acumulando livros e sorrindo livros, na ideia perfeita de que ler é viver, a metáfora é a realidade.

Família é sossego, todos dizem. Como discordar?

Encontro sossego na minha família, naturalmente. Acontece que este é o sossego-chão, a base de tudo, o sossego primordial sem o qual o sossego da alma inquieta de agora nem existir poderia.

Hoje busco um sossego próprio. Um que me acalme, apazigue, fortaleça. Que me mantenha mais vivo do que nunca quando todos parecem sempre torcer contra.

Engraçado que a música é um pouco sossego pra mim, mas nem tanto. Não sou de música, sou de ler, quando não, de ouvir palavras, esta melodia cheia de personalidade.

Porém me encanta sossegar no canto de uma fazenda à noite, naquele nada na mente, só um piar ao fundo, um coaxar, um corujamento de repente, esse barulho aconchegante que aplaca um pouco a farta realidade paralela dos dias acumulados de despertador.

Como, do mesmo tanto, me sossega a rua na cidade, com carros correndo, pessoas falando, nenhum pardal voando trazendo notícias lá dos parentes do interior. O movimento civilizatório não é inimigo do meu espírito. Pelo menos, não todo o tempo.

Minha música de sossego é o ar correndo rente à pele.

Onde há sossego, há desassossego e acredito avidamente que o segredo de tudo é respirar uma coisa de cada vez sem deixar que uma elimine a outra, fazendo com que uma alimente a outra de dose medida de mim e de si, sendo que o reverso é de igual teor e dimensão superior, até prova em contrário – quando quero ser meu contrário.

Procuro sossego e encontro sossego até quando não procuro ou quando não encontro. Admito.

Porque sossego é ainda um conceito, um sentimento, indefinido, infindo, infinito em suas todas direções, do meu início ao fim físico, metafísico e… sei lá.

Há um sossego na minha procura e é isso que procuro quando procuro o que parece fora do meu alcance.

Pense naquele pássaro sobrevoando a vida de olhos fechados que sabe quando é hora de acertar a árvore sem errar o equilíbrio, e que sabe pousar nas asas quando é instante de matar a sede.

Eu não mato a sede. Eu vivo com sede.

Esse pássaro voa, não me dá sossego. Nem eu a ele.

Sossegadamentemente, o correr dos dias é rio, é rua, é resto de amanhã e um pouco do que vem de ontem. Feito eu neste ponto, ou nesta vírgula.

Publicado primeiramente em Sagres Online.

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